Tribulations of February

Sigh.  February has been a rough month.  Have we ridden countless miles in blustery weather? Nope.  Have we been climbing up in the Spessart Mountains or the Odenwald to take winter landscape shots at sunrise? No.  Have we been traveling like mad? Nein.

In fact, I have spent the majority of February sitting at home doing absolutely nothing.  That thing I did to my hand several weeks ago ended up becoming a really inconvenient, life stalling problem.  This is what happened.  It's cold out, right? When it gets cold, I dry out (like a lot of people).  Well, for some reason I developed a particularly dry patch of skin in between the index and middle finger of my right hand, maybe from doing a lot of cooking or being out in the wet, cold weather.  I dunno.  I didn't think too much about it, applied some moisturizer and thought that was that.  Then I woke myself up one night scratching at this spot.  So, I picked up some Cortisone cream at the pharmacy, lathered it on and we went on to Heidelberg to take those shots I put up a couple weeks ago.  By the time we came home it was clear that the Cortisone cream and I didn't get along.  I won't go into the graphic details, but let's just say I kinda felt like a leper.  It was a rather nasty case of contact dermatitis.  It was painful and it itched like crazy.  I couldn't get my hand wet, I couldn't expose it to the cold, and I couldn't move my fingers without aggravating it further.  So, I couldn't use a camera, ride my bike (not even on a trainer), go outside, type, use a pen, cut my food, zip my coat, carry anything, etc.  Taking a shower was a complicated feat of acrobatics.  At first I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, but dermatitis takes a really long time to heal and this went on for weeks and weeks and weeks.  I've never had something like this happen before.  Even my worst bike wreck injuries (which, thankfully, haven't been too serious) have healed faster than this.  The only thing that you can do is keep it moisturized and covered, take antihistamines, and wait.  And wait.  So, I dug out (with my left hand) a spare box of cotton gloves I bought back in the day when I worked with old documents and have been sporting one a la Michael Jackson for the majority of the month. So embarrassing.  Now, being an introvert, having to spend a long period of time shut up in the house isn't a complete death sentence.  But, even I have my limits.  Not being able to do anything easily made it especially frustrating.  When I became completely unhinged last weekend over a problem with GoDaddy, I knew I was in trouble.  Mercifully, it has finally healed up to the point I can use my hand again.  I still have to wear the glove for a little bit longer to prevent a relapse, but I think I'm finally on the other side.  Sheesh.

Kids, the moral of the story is, TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN!

One the bright side, if something like that has to happen at least it happened when we didn't have any significant plans.  I had hoped to spend the month doing landscapes and cityscapes, but it's no huge tragedy that I couldn't.  Those places will still be there.   Also, it gave me a lot of time to read, and so I decided to revisit the works of J.R.R Tolkien.  Immersing myself back in my favorite mythical world has been really nice and may have kept me from going completely mental.  It has been quite a while since I've read all the books.  Of course, that led to re-watching all of the films...I guess there are worst ways to spend a convalescence.

While I still can't go outside, I can use a camera again.
Good chance to experiment with still lifes.

Right.  One more weekend to go then back at it.  Good thing too, we's getting rather flabby, Precious.

BIG Breath and....

It's been quite some time since I punched a few lines onto this blog.  August and September was all about training for a Century ride, leaving me with surprisingly very little say.  We had a rather pleasant 100 mile ride in mid-September and then after that a tight schedule leading up to our annual trip back to Akron.  Now, here we are at the very end of October.

The trip "home," the definition of which is up for debate, is an interesting experience for expats.  For those that can travel back and forth to their native land regularly the disconnect probably isn't as acute.  For those of us who only get back once a year or less, the experience can be, well, rather bizarre.  The more time that passes on assignment the greater the gulf can grow between then and now, here and there.  Sometimes, when faced with the reality that this is just an assignment and home will most definitely be over there again, the feelings are mixed.  Unless someone's expat journey has been completely negative, we feel a kinship with the new place sometimes equal to or even exceeding our native home.  But, for now here we are back in Germany for the time being with at least another year to enjoy it.

Besides all the fun parts about the home leave trip like sharing a drink at our favorite craft beer bars with good friends, enjoying a proper steak, and an early Thanksgiving meal with family, one of the annual events of home leave is making the rounds to all our medical professionals to make sure we're still doing good health wise.  I was looking forward to this year's checkup because I had a question.

My last post on here was about a particularly brutal climb that almost did me in.  After that I started paying close attention to my performance on hills and during other activities like mountain trekking.  It became clear to me that something was up with my breathing.  In the past I assumed my complete meltdowns on hills had to do with overall fitness.  I assumed I was struggling because I was out of shape.  But, as the year passed this excuse didn't seem pertinent.  We were cycling every day and during our century training we were averaging 130km a week.  Our diet has changed to being mostly vegetarian.  My weight and other vitals were in the right places.  I was sleeping normal.  But, every single time I hit a hill on the bike, a set of stairs, or an uphill track while trekking I started struggling, big time.  Off the bike I manage, but always slow way down and need breaks now and then to catch my breath.  On the bike, things get bad on those hills.  For anything above a Cat 4, I often have to dismount to calm my breathing.

Then, one day we were climbing a hill at a particularly slow pace.  We had taken a break not long before for a snack and to replenish our water, but I was in a bad way already.  My husband led for a bit, then I took over, hoping that if I found a steady pace I could relax my breathing.  It wasn't working.  The wide spot in the road was a welcome sight and I pulled over, dismounted, and sat down, certain I was going to black out.  When I finally got back to a comfortable heart rate and breathing, I looked up at the hill, the road winding above me.  As I did so, a woman went past.  On a steel city bike.  In khaki shorts and tennis shoes.  She was breathing through her nose.  That was the last straw.  I was mad.

Something was definitely up.

So, I sent my doctor in Akron a note.  I have an amazing doctor back in Akron, and having her just an email away is a lifesaver.  Thank you, modern technology!  Anyway, after tracking my symptoms and performance it sounded to me that I might have been suffering from exercise induced asthma all this time.  She concurred with my theory and set me up for some tests when I came back to town.

Asthma tests are something else.  You spend two hours in a room with a technician blowing into a tube after inhaling a progression of medications as the tech instructs "BIG breath and..BLOW, BLOW, BLOW!"  All of that tests lung capacity.  People with asthma will have a marked reduced capacity during the test.  People without it will have the same results from beginning to end.  When I sat down with my doctor a few days later, she said, "I'm so glad you contacted me, because you totally have asthma!"  Apparently, I have had it my whole life, explaining why I could never run the mile in PE or keep up in any sports like soccer when I was a kid, hence being assigned more stationary positions like fullback.  I was under the impression that I wasn't "good at running" or that I wasn't "athletic" back then.  But as I've gotten older I've realized that being "unathletic" isn't a real thing.  My doctor confirmed.  She said we choose to be active or not.  Sure, not everyone is built to run a marathon or bench 250lbs, but everyone should be able to find something they can do comfortably that keeps them physically fit.  If you struggle despite being fit, then there is a medical reason for it.  Anyone should be able to exercise.

I don't know what my doctor thought, when I responded to to my diagnosis with, "Oh, thank God!"  I can't begin to describe the relief I felt with finally having a reason for why climbing nearly kills me, why I can't keep up in the mountains, why climbing the stairs to the top floor our house has me leaning against the door frame for a bit.   The thought of climbing no longer fills me with dread.  I know what will happen when I start heading up and I know why.  It's not because I'm a failure.  I have the tools to deal with it and now the odds are in favor of me getting to the top without passing out.  Sometimes an answer is all you need.  And, albuterol.

The mountains are my favorite place on earth.  Now, spending time in their heights shouldn't be such a struggle.

Yeah, folks, I'll be "doping" when I'm out on the roads.   Let me get that out there right now.  Along with my patch kit and PB sammies, I'll be packing an inhaler.  I've accepted that in order to keep this managed properly I have to reign in my riding when I have a respiratory illness to avoid aggravating the disease (hence why I'm typing this up today instead of HTFU on the bike with this head cold).  I shouldn't take up extreme altitude mountaineering either.  Sigh.  Oh well, I don't have the money for that anyway.  But, there is no risk of having to give up the bike.  I'm not expecting to take all the local QOMs, but climbing the stairs, yeah, I can do that now.

So, look out, Bavaria, as soon as I kick this darn cold I'll be back.  Here's hoping none of you in khakis and sneakers will pass me on a climb.  But if you do, let's be clear.  My chain slipped.

Stranger Things Have Happened, I Think

I'm pretty sure we all have things we hate, downright detest.  We probably have lists.  Well, I have a list.  When I was a kid my list was Mathematics (this included all branches therein, homework, and class), going to the orthodontist, piano recitals, and Easter dresses.  I loathed Math (or Maths as you may prefer) because I didn't get it, struggled with it from the time we began subtracting, and it was always the thorn in my report card.  The orthodontist, well, who really enjoys the orthodontist?  People sick in the head, that's who.  The fellow who "reshaped" my mandible and scarred a good portion of my childhood was old-school in his methodology.  His techniques included, and I kid you not, hammers, chisels, cement, and the employment of assistants with a disturbing lack of empathy.  While I'm glad I no longer resemble a bulldog, I can't say I ever warmed to the guy.  Piano recitals were just irritating.  Spending months on end practicing the same tired tune over and over again for the supposed entertainment of other parents who really only care about their child's performance always struck me as ridiculous.  And, Easter dresses?  That was just a matter of taste, the bane of the tomboy.  Since reaching adulthood, the list has certainly changed.  Math no longer troubles me, I have mastered the calculator and can successfully get through life.  The orthodontist hasn't been seen in over ten years and my mouth is quite happy about that.  I haven't touched a piano or publicly performed music in ages.   Of course, I haven't had an Easter dress since I began choosing my own wardrobe.

But there's still a list of preferred avoidances.  The list is mostly composed of food products like quiche and smoothies containing too much roughage.  Flying from US airports is on there.  Climbing hills on a bike is somewhere near the top of the list.  Like Math, I hate it because I struggle with it.  That's probably pretty lame of me.  I stopped hating Math because, basically, I no longer needed to do it.  I didn't "defeat" my Math issue by working harder at it, I just went through my formative years detesting about 100 minutes of every day spent in class and doing the work, having a pretty crappy attitude, then blissfully moving on once school was behind me having never really faced the beast.

I could very well just go about my cycling in the same way, tell myself I'm not built to climb hills and therefore never will successfully and avoid the hills at all possible.  Or.  Or, I could grow up a little.

A funny thing happened on Saturday.  The weather forecast was amazing so we planned a cookout with a few friends for the evening. We decided that an hour or so bike ride in the morning wouldn't be a bad idea given the evening's menu of hamburgers and beer.  It wasn't going to be a killer ride.  I was pretty beat after a full week of long rides and landscaping.  We were going to go easy.  We thought after having explored the major touring routes lately, that it was time to venture more "on road" into the smaller valleys.  So, we headed out.  Despite a Flemish headwind from the get go, things were going well.  After glancing at the map, we chose a 30km loop through some villages that would get us home in plenty of time to prep for our guests.  Google presented us with tantalizing "bike friendly, fit for grandma" roads.  All was going well until the second village.  Then, traffic started getting rather congested to the point we were track standing more than moving forward.  But, the map was pretty adamant that we would be in the clear once we hit the town limits.  I mean, there was a solid green line indicating a bike path next to the road.

There was no bike path when we got out of town.  In fact, this so-called bike friendly road was anything but.  It was a narrow road and a long, solid climb in heavy traffic.  My "Aaargh! Giant Hill!  I hate this!  I hate the world!  I hate everything!" switch was on the verge of getting flipped.  Then, it didn't.  I just kept pedaling.  I wasn't chipper about it, and I certainly wasn't flying, but my legs just kept doing what needed to be done.  When we got to the top, sure, I was hurting, but there we were.  There had been no stopping, there had been no walking.  And, you know what?  A thought crossed my mind.  "Hey, this is actually rather nice.  I think I sorta get the attraction."  Well, then it started pouring.  So much for the warm positive feelings and that beautiful forecast.

Then, we had to go down the hill to the next village.  Ok, I definitely get the attraction to climbing now.  If it hadn't been pouring buckets, my shoes weren't full of water, and if I hadn't been rather concerned about the husband riding on slicks...What am I saying? That descent was one heck of a ride!

After that it should have been pretty straight forward following the signs through the villages back to ours.  The trouble was, the weather just kept getting worse.  There was standing water on the roads, there was no sign of a let up, and it was getting progressively colder.  Once again, Google showed us an alternative "short cut"- solid green line, through forest, little to no traffic.  We should have known better.  I have to admit, I had a bad feeling when we turned onto the new route.  "Through forest" usually means tractor or logging road.  The forests are usually on top of large hills.  Such was the case.  This climb was brutal, vertical, positively evil.  Yeah, and there were still cars who were there for the shortcut, no speed camera advantage.  I was dying.  My poor legs, abused by a week of daily rides broken up with mulch spreading, shoveling, and rock hauling, were screaming.  It was torture.  It went on for miles.  I needed a break, also known as "photo opportunity."  But, we got back on those bikes and kept going, slowly, mind you, and we climbed that sucker.

The next descent wasn't so fun.  The road was tractor wide and it went straight down that hill all the way to the river, no turns, no pauses in the gradient.  It was still pouring.  There was mud everywhere.  I had a death drip on my brake levers.  Now it was my hands' turn to do the screaming.  That descent wasn't fun, it was freaking scary, especially when a tractor came at us full tilt.

We made it home, though rather a little worse for wear.  But, oddly enough, when we pulled into the driveway I didn't think back over the ride and focus on how horrible it was, how much it hurt, and how much I hate climbing.  We talked about how much fun that was.  I realized that actually I could do it.  With a little work and dedication, climbing would no longer be on the hate list.  I may never "dance on the pedals" up 11% grades, but I don't have to hate it.  I don't have to avoid it.  I do have the capacity to improve.  I could actually get to a point of enjoying it.

We'll see.  But, if I start praising quiche you should get concerned.

The World is Round, People!

Look at this!  Two posts in one week?  Crazy, I know.  But, I'm feeling inspired, so here we go.

Women's cycling has been in the forefront this week.  With the Women's World Cup starting on the 15th and the fact it's getting actual coverage, the success of the Half the Road film, and the publicity female pros are getting, people are really starting to take notice.  Good things are happening.  It's pretty exciting.  It's also stirring debate, particularly on the same old subject of gear.

Ah, gear.  I'm a gear freak.  I just realized this recently when I was planning for an upcoming trip. I had more gear going into my bag than I had clothes.  I like things that involve collecting gear.  I love backpacking, an activity that is so gear centric most backpackers end up talking gear with each other instead of where they've been.  I love photography, an art that also requires an endless amount of gear and gear to carry said gear.  Then, of course, there's cycling.  You wear gear, your bike wears gear, you need gear for the gear, you need gear to clean the gear, and there's always new gear.  It's a gear freak's dream sport.  So, I'm always looking at cycling gear and I picked up on the debate raised this week on women's gear, specifically clothing.  Being a woman who rides a bike and needs clothing to do so, I have some opinions on the subject.  I've written about it before, and I'll get to that later.  First off though, here's what I think about the debate itself.

I like it.  I'm glad we have people talking about this subject outside of women's cycling blogs and forums.  I'm glad it's mainstream this week.  I'm very happy that people are saying, "Hey, look at this!  There are things that are moving in the right direction, but there's still work that needs to be done."  That means, at least in my opinion, that thanks to media coverage on the pro road side of things, that change is going to trickle down to the rest of us.  I really like that all sorts of women riders with all sorts of opinions are weighing in.  I really like it that the guys are voicing their opinions too.  I agree with some things are that said and I disagree with other things.  But, that's ok.  People are talking about it.

So here's what I think.

I'm not a roadie.  The Rules?  Eh.  Sure, I definitely agree there's a right way and wrong way to ride road, but I can't get fanatical about it.  To each their own (although, I think sporting team kit and wheelsucking a complete stranger for miles on end is very sad).  I certainly wouldn't pass muster for most roadies.  I'm an amateur.  Definitely.  I ride an entry level road bike.  I'm built like Cavendish during his husky years.  I hate climbing, passionately.  I have no desire to join in group rides or compete, ever.  I can't hang.  I honestly don't care.  Road cycling is something I enjoy doing on my own terms.  I like riding my road bike best.  I like how it handles, I like the aesthetics, I like the speed.  I like the gear.  But, you know what?  I also like riding my hybrid slowly along at German grandma pace, and I like spinning around on my hipster Schwinn in jeans and T on a warm evening.

Image www.teamestrogen.com

What I don't like is getting pigeonholed.  I think the cycling industry loves pigeonholing people, men and women alike.  Get some clear market definitions and it makes it a lot easier to sell stuff.  I don't like being told that because I'm a woman things have to be different for me, that I have to make compromises, that I have to fit in a clique to ride my bike.  I've never been good at that sort of thing, and I've never seen the point of it.  I mean, we're cyclists, right?  We're all just cyclists, men and women alike.  We're all at varying degrees of experience, we all have varying interests.  I don't think anyone likes being told they have to dress a certain way because they ride at one level or another.  I certainly don't think anyone, man or woman, likes being told they have to wear a certain color or style in sport because of their gender.  It's like telling women we have to go back to wearing dresses 24/7 and telling guys they have to wear a suit to work everyday.  It's a pretty archaic attitude.  All of us should be able to find the type of gear that performs best for our needs, our comfort, and our style.  It really shouldn't be that big of deal to find what we're looking for.

Image www.vulpine.cc

Look, I don't wear pink.  I don't do glitter.  I've been a committed tomboy since birth, and I'm not going to betray that when I ride my bike.  It would ruin the experience.  I like subdued stuff and earth tones.  I like solids and classic designs.  I like my jerseys to have real sleeves, pockets that fit more than an energy bar, and cut in way that acknowledges the fact I'm leaning over in the drops just like the boys.  I'm really pleased with brands that carry stuff like that, and I'm excited to see more and more new companies coming to the market with these types of styles.  Rapha has been a leader in that realm, but now we have the recently launched Velocio and the two year old super cool Vulpine in the ring (I mean, look at that sweet merino).  Even established recognizable brands like Castelli are toning down on the girl power centrism.  I'm not saying no one should make the pink, sparkle, flower stuff anymore.  Lots of women out there really like it and that's what they feel the most comfortable in.  That's cool.  We all need to feel good when we're riding.   I'm just really glad the industry is starting to put the breaks on the pink pigeonholing.  The clothing thing is moving in the right direction.  I hope down the road some of the lower priced shop brands will get on board so women with tastes like mine aren't frustrated by their gear options when entering the sport.  Nobody wants to drop a ton of money on clothes when they're first starting out, so cheaper, shop accessible options would be good.  Heck, I still have trouble swallowing some of the prices for the online brands.

But, beyond clothing there's still a lot of work ahead.  I hope the changes in that market will begin to affect the rest of the cycling industry.  WSD models are really making great advances, I'm loving what I see from Giant and Raleigh.  Its nice that those of us who need smaller frames and components can buy a bike off the rack and it's not baby blue or covered in butterflies.  My greatest hope is that I'll be able to walk into any bike shop someday and get treated respectfully and not like the little woman who doesn't know a cassette from a headset.  Not all shops are guilty of this and there are some amazing ones out there that are pleasure to work with, but to be honest Europe needs to try a little harder.

All in all though, I think we have reason to be excited and positive about what's happening.  I hope the debate continues and things keep changing.  As one of my favorite people, Cate Blanchett, said recently, "The World is round, people!"  Women cyclists have just as much right to the road, the bikes, and the clothes the boys get and the sooner we're are no longer marginalized or passed over the better.  I think we're on the right road.

Here Are The Facts

Humans have been moving about this planet for some time now.  You would think over millennia of constant migration by foot, wheel, and water that we would have this whole traveling thing figured out.  However, it is quite apparent that most people haven't a clue how to get themselves from one point to another in a responsible and safe manner.  It doesn't matter if they're driving a car, a tractor, a golf cart, walking on their two feet, pedaling a bicycle, or pushing a scooter.  The attitude of many is one of complete self-absorption and disregard of others.  Alas, statistics indicate that this is a global problem.  Deaths by car accident in the United States have been averaging around 30,000 a year for the past four years. In Luxembourg, there have been 4 serious car crashes in the past three days.  Three of those wrecks were fatal.  Sure, we can blame their mode of transport and say cars are the problem, but honestly, unless there is some sort of mechanical failure the cause of the carnage are the drivers themselves.  Their disregard of others is usually the root source.  We focus on cars because they are involved in the most deaths.  Their "accidents" are the most deadly.  But, pedestrians and cyclists and everyone else in between all suffer from the same selfish ignorance.  This is not good.

In an effort to disseminate useful information to the general public here are some facts to help you understand the basics of proper travel behavior, whether you're walking to the store or driving 2,000 miles cross country.

1.)  You are not the only person on the planet.  The first fact of traveling is the most important.  You would think we would all know this.  I mean, obviously there are other people around.  We interact with other people on a daily basis.  But, for some reason many people seem to think they are the only ones on earth when they're out and about.  Newsflash:  Not true!  You cannot move about as if you are completely alone, with total ownership of all roadways, sidewalks, and multi-use paths.  If you do, you or someone else will get hurt or killed.  Master this first fact, and the rest make perfect sense.

2.)  Roadways and pathways are for moving traffic.  Did you know that the first paths on this earth were created so people could get from one place to another easily and as directly as possible? Modern roads and pathways are designed with the same exact purpose!  That's why roads aren't intentionally blocked by obstacles and if an obstacle appears, it is removed immediately.  A blocked road is useless.  Therefore, the next time you are traveling and have an overwhelming urge to stop for whatever reason, move off the road or path.  Roads and paths are for people who are moving.  They are not for family reunions, sunbathing, games of catch, bicycle repair, or changing diapers.  There are other places designed for such purposes.  If you can't tell the difference, you have no business being in public without supervision.

3.)  You are responsible for your dependents.  Traveling with a child or a pet?  Excellent.  Glad to see they are out and about.  But, did you know your children/pets are your responsibility?  It's true!  While it is the public's responsibility to behave in a manner that doesn't endanger your loved one, it is actually your job to keep them out of harms way to begin with.  If you remember Fact #1 you will realize that dog leashes are a necessity and children need to be kept under control.  If you refer to Fact #2 you will realize that the roadway isn't a dog park or a playground.  If your dependents can't behave properly on the roadway then you should take them to one of those facilities.

4.)  Roads and paths can and do have various users.  It is completely legal, unless otherwise posted, for pedestrians and cyclists to be on roads.  While you may not agree with them being there, they have every right to be.  Taking 30 seconds to pass with care isn't going to make you late.  If it does, then you should have left earlier.  Additionally, multi-use paths are, well, MULTI-USE.  Walkers, please refer to Fact #1.  You are are not water.  You do not have to fill all available space on a pathway.  There's nothing shocking or horrifying about a bike being on a path intended for bicycle use.  To prevent any issues, please accept their presence ahead of time and leave space on the path for them.  If you don't, they will ask you to move.  They're not asking you to move because they are horrible people, they are asking you to move because they don't want to hit you.   If they've had to ask you multiple times because you chose to disregard Fact #1, then expect some frustration from them.  Cyclists, you have the responsibility to communicate your presence to slower traffic.  Even if there is room to pass, the decent thing to do is communicate that you intend to pass.  That's just common courtesy.

Finally, and most importantly.

5.)  You and your business never take precedence over another person's life.  It doesn't matter if you're the Queen, the Grand Duke, the President, the Mayor, or the prettiest girl in school.  Your life is not more important than the lives of the other people on the road.  It doesn't matter if you're late to the birth of your first child or your first day at work.  No matter what excuse you give, it never makes killing or injuring someone ok.   Never.  Put the phone down.  That call or text can wait.  Seriously, it can.

There you have it, people.  Those are the facts.  I'm sorry that some of you were never taught them, but it's never too late to learn to something new.  Commit them to memory.  Share them with your friends and loved ones.  Post them in your car, by your walking shoes, or by your bike.  I guarantee that if you accept these things as fact and travel with them in mind, your traveling experiences will go much more smoothly.  Your risk of injury or injuring others will be greatly reduced.  Also, you may notice you are no longer the recipient of gestures or reprimands by random strangers.

See?  Everyone can benefit from a little education and personal responsibility.

Watch a Movie Trailer, Support Women's Cycling

It's no secret that the ladies aren't getting their due in the professional cycling scene.  The ignorance and disrespect of women's professional cycling by the UCI (the sport's governing body), race organizers, and the media is so complete that it is embarrassing.  The attitudes are practically medieval.

While American professional cycling fans are often exasperated by the limited coverage men's racing gets by the national sports media, that coverage is light years beyond what the women receive- Zero. Of course, things aren't much better in Europe.  I've seen a total of three broadcasted women's races on Eurosport in the last year and a half- the 2012 Worlds, the Olympic Road Race, and the Olympic Time Trial.  Well, since the Summer Olympics only come around once every four years, that makes the average number of broadcasted women's races at 1.5 a year.  However, keep in mind that if the broadcasters decide something else is more interesting, that coverage could be cancelled altogether.  Those watching this year's Amgen Tour of California witnessed just such a move from broadcasters when the coverage of the Women's Time Trial was limited to two, two riders.  Then, the coverage cut to the men's competition, after a significant period of blank air time.  Somehow in their minds, a black screen was more interesting than the women's competition.  Talk about a slap in the face.

For those fans who are aware of the feats being performed in the women's circuit, the denial of witnessing it is extremely frustrating and angering.  I can only imagine what it does to the athletes themselves.  Not only do they have to deal with being ignored, they aren't given the same monetary incentives as the men.  The minimum wage is significantly lower than their male counterpart's.

As fans, what can be done?  Well, as we know from all its past and current sins, the UCI isn't going to make the right decision of its own accord.  However, that doesn't mean we should just accept this offense, shrug our shoulders in defeat, and keep our mouths shut.  If there's one thing we've learned from all the doping scandals, speaking out and making noise is the best weapon for change.  It may take a while, but if enough of us scream, something will happen.

Thankfully, someone is trying to make some noise and you can be apart of it.  Journalist and author Kathryn Bertine has been a professional cyclist since 2007.  She has teamed up with filmmaker Kevin Tokstad to create the documentary "Half the Road."  It features interviews with top female cyclists, athletes, and others to explore exactly what women's racing is all about as well as the injustices inflicted on the sport from the powers that be.  The trailer is pretty exciting and I look forward to seeing the final product.

www.halftheroad.com

So, the great thing about this project is that you can support it.  They are currently in need of donations to make this documentary a reality.  In November 2013, the final film will be ready for public screenings. So, if you have the capability to host a screening *I'm looking at you bike shop owners* you can sign up on the website.  Why should you give your support to this project?  Because women's cycling is in desperate need of support.  Projects like this documentary can reach outside the small niche of fans who already know what these ladies are doing.  The stories and performances of women like Kristin Armstrong, Ina-Yoko Tuetenberg, Evelyn Stevens, and Marianne Vos are just as powerful and in some cases more so than those in the men's peloton.  The trouble is, no one knows it yet.

Why should people outside the sport know about women's racing?  Because when the public starts hearing about all the positive things going on they're going to get interested, and when the public gets interested that's when the sport grows.  Hate to bring it up as evidence, but we all remember the Armstrong effect on recreational riding in the States back in the '90's.  Imagine what Vos would do for the sport if the public actually heard about her.  In many ways the slights being felt by professional ladies has trickled down to the rest of us.  Cycling is still marketed as a boy's club.  So, my weekend warrior sisters and I constantly struggle against a prejudiced industry.  Maybe with some positive media coverage (heck, any coverage) women would begin to feel more comfortable about road cycling.  Maybe they wouldn't feel like they don't belong anymore.  Perhaps companies would take the women's market seriously.  Maybe women riders would enjoy the same product variety and availability the boys get.  Perhaps we too could step into the LBS and find what we're after instead of scouring the internet.   Maybe, maybe we could get some respect on the roads.  Maybe one day we won't have to wear pink.

Sigh...A girl can dream, right?

Anyway, I suggest that you support this film project if you're aware of and annoyed by the wrongs being committed against the women's professional peloton.  Even if you're only slightly aware of what's going on, your support of Half the Road will benefit the sport of cycling as a whole.  These women are just as committed, just as hardcore as the boys.  They deserve the same respect.  This film may help them get it, and no harm will come from that.

For more information visit the the project's website at www.halftheroad.com.

Reaching Stage Five

I watched the online talk with trepidation last Wednesday.  As the day dawned, the murmuring began.  "Today the USADA will release its report."  I was uncomfortable about it.  A lot of people were going to be hurt and upset by the end of the day.  Reputations of certain, (some of them) respected individuals would be forever tainted.  Cycling was going to get a lot of unpleasant heat.  It was going to be a tough day.  I was out most of the afternoon, when the USA was just starting to rub the sleep of of its eyes.  That evening, I was sitting at the pub with friends enjoying a mid-week pint when the phone started buzzing.  The floodgates had opened.

As you know, I was pretty well informed about the likely contents of the report from previous research.  The names of those that testified had been leaked months ago during the Tour.  I'm still reading through the report itself, but so far there hasn't been any "wow" moments.  I realize that's not the case for many people.  Cycling fans, Armstrong fans, pro cyclists, teams, and even journalists have been dealing with their grief.  You can see those famous "Five Stages of Grief" being played out in comment sections on news sites, Twitter, cycling websites, sports pages, and personal blogs all over the world.  Some people are still in denial, despite the mountain of evidence.  Many fans will "Support Lance" no matter what.  Some insist on avoiding the topic all together.  In fact, many may never progress beyond that point.  Then, there are those going through the anger stage.  Finger pointing has become a favorite coping mechanism of late- it's the fault of the journalists, it's the fault of the fans.  Some have entered the bargaining phase, citing the rampant doping in the peloton of that era or Armstrong's charity work.  Others, and understandably so, are depressed.  Vows have been made to never watch the Tour again.  They can't stand to see another cyclist or race right now.  They've thrown out their yellow bracelets.  They're putting their Lance memorabilia on eBay.  At some point, though, maybe by the time July rolls around, most will be firmly at the end of the process and will accept that the contents of the report are the truth.  Cycling wasn't clean in the 90's.  Beloved riders were involved.  Lance lied and helped to organize the largest doping ring in sports history with tax payer money.  He isn't a role model.  He isn't a good guy.  He will probably never admit it.  There's nothing we can do about it.

Then, and only then will cycling move on.  But, it's going to take a while to get there.  The sport and its fans have to deal with their grief.  Hopefully, part of that process will be the continuing efforts of athletes to come clean and today's teams retiring the hangers on from that era.  Keep in mind, however, closure from something like this will not happen over night.

But, fans of the sport, remember this- no matter what Lance Armstrong did, no matter what those other guys did, no matter what some of the guys are doing now, cycling itself is still pure.  Sure, the pro circuit is not, not by a long shot. But, those guys didn't have a clue what riding a bike is all about.  They lost sight of it a long time ago and it just became a way to make money and get famous.

You and I, we know what it's all about, don't we?   It's a beautiful thing to swing our legs over that saddle, place our feet on those pedals and just go.  We can go wherever we want, we can go as far as we want, and we can go as fast or as slow as we want.  Cycling is the perfect union between man and machine and it is beautiful.  Every day you get out there on your own bicycle, be it to compete, get to work, or spend time with your family, you are experiencing the true beauty of the bicycle.  Drivers can't tarnish it, city planners can't tarnish it, and the corruption of the pro peloton can never, ever tarnish it.   No matter what stage of grief you're in, keep your eyes on that truth.  Beautiful and wonderful things always have something or someone out there trying to hold it down, but the truly perfect things will always outlast the onslaught.

Get out there and pedal on.  Throw off the baggage, the anger, and the activism.  Allow yourself to fall in love with your bicycle and your sport again.

Conclusions Reached

I read the book.  Yes, that book.

Then I read another book and another.  I'm currently reading this one.  Why?  Because I am and always will be a fan of road cycling.  I'm a fan of the performance, the art, and the intensity of the sport.  There's nothing quite like it.  Would I have loved to have been present during a race in which Merckx rode?  Yes, but I'm just as happy to be there watching Team Sky or anyone else.  I'd love to get to a women's race sometime because I'm 100% certain those races are where it's really at.

I'm "the cycling fan" in our circle of friends.  I'm the one that drags her poor husband and (leashed!) dog to all those bike races.  I'm the one that watches the Tour de France everyday, even during the boring flat stages, the one who is still mildly depressed about missing this year's Vuelta.  I'm the one that has caps, cowbells, jerseys, and water bottles hanging on her wall.  If anyone we know has an interest in what a peloton is and how the yellow (or the pink or the gold) jersey is awarded they know who to ask.  They know who to ask about Lance Armstrong and doping.  Unfortunately, a lot of people want to know about those things right now.

So, I read the books because I think it's important to know what you're talking about if you're going to have an opinion.  I needed to know the story in order to get one.

Was I shocked about the revelations in Hamilton's book?  Nope.  Talk and stories have been around for years about what went on at Postal under Armstrong's leadership.  There wasn't anything too new there- concealer on scars, cover ups, payoffs to the UCI, intimidation of witnesses, rage induced tirades, drugs by motorbike, etc.  No, I wasn't surprised.  Nowadays it takes a lot to surprise me when it comes to human behavior.  However, I did find his inclusion of the details to be fascinating- how they covered up the drugs in their systems, how the testing procedures worked and didn't work, and what happens when things go wrong.  After reading all this stuff, I now feel satisfied.  I know what doping means and I know what it looks like.  I know that the drug tests are reliable and a positive is what it is.  That feeling of ambiguity I've always had about this topic is gone.

So, now that I have all this knowledge under my belt, I have my opinions.  Is he telling the truth?  Yes.  There's too many dates, details, evidence, and consistencies to come up with a different conclusion.  Did the top guys at Postal cheat? You bet.  Was the UCI corrupt? Yes.  Is the UCI corrupt now?  Yes.  Are these guys who have come forward with these stories ruining the sport?  Absolutely not.  It's going to take a while and it is painful to hear that favorite athletes and role models cheated, but in the end there is an excellent chance that all of this will lead to the beginning of a new era in cycling, when it becomes the cleanest sport in the world.

Are Hamilton, Millar, and all the others that have been caught and admitted to doping terrible human beings who can't be trusted?  No.  They're cheats.  But, let's get a little perspective on that, shall we?  The fact of the matter is, like that quote in Breaking Away, "Everybody cheats."  Sure, we're not all competing in professional sports or taking illegal drugs, but unless only saints read this blog I'm pretty certain we are all guilty of cutting corners and cheating at some point in order to get ahead of the game.  They may have been legal cheats or illegal, but the fact of the matter is none of us is blameless in life.  In actuality, the people that admit they've screwed up, lied, or cheated are the ones we should admire.  It takes a lot of guts to stand up in front of the world and admit you traded on your integrity to win a special colored shirt or a trophy.  It takes a lot of guts to admit you're scum.  Would you?  Would I?

Do I think dopers are terrible human beings?  No.  I think they're fallible human beings who couldn't resist temptation.  Whether they get caught or not, they sell out for a win and they contribute to the problem.  They take away the chances of honest athletes.  They put themselves and others at risk.  They do all this to win a bike race.  They have a problem and they need help.  But, pro cyclists aren't your average human beings.  They live and want to live an extreme life.  No one can say the guys that compete at their level aren't tough athletes.  With that lifestyle comes unique challenges, ones most of us never deal with.  We have to respect the fact that they're still people that have the capacity to make huge mistakes just like the rest of us.  If I was told that I'd have to do something unethical (that everyone else does) to keep doing the only thing I thought I was good at in order to stay employed, pay the bills, and put food on the table I'd like to think I'd have the courage to walk away.  However, I'm not naive enough to believe that I wouldn't give it some thought.

What do I think about Lance Armstrong?  Well, to be completely honest with you, I feel terrible for the guy.  He's a deeply troubled soul who is full of anger.  In order to cope with his demons, he turned to sports.  But, it wasn't enough.  So, he did everything he could to win and transcend cycling to become one of the most famous athletes of all time.  He summed up his feelings with a couples quotes,

"Two things scare me. The first is getting hurt. But that's not nearly as scary as the second, which is losing."  

"When I was sick, I didn't want to die.  When I race, I don't want to lose.  Dying and losing, it's the same thing."

So, in order to avoid his greatest fear, he became desperate.  He cheated, like a lot of guys in that era, and then he took it further.  He perfected it and he made it the strategy.  He broke laws, he organized drug trafficking, and he passed money under tables.  There's no getting around it now.

I think he also fears being disliked.  How dare them!  If someone criticizes him, they don't get one ounce of leniency.  They are called some pretty colorful things and you can bet he won't forget for a second that they are out there somewhere disliking him.  Carrying that around everyday can't be easy.  So, do I think he's a horrible person?  No, I think he's someone to pity and that's about it.  He's a human being desperately seeking peace at all costs.  But, I wouldn't go so far as to say he's a nice guy either.  He let his issues take over his life and a lot of people are paying for it.  Yes, I do think that he needs to answer for the laws that he broke during those years.  Since it involved federal funds, witness intimidation, and fraud I think it's more serious than your typical sports doping case.  The whole ball of wax needs to be addressed from the corporations involved to the sport's governing body.  It could get even uglier than it already has.  But, I think it is worth it for the sake of cycling.

All this aside, I will still flick on my television next spring when the season starts again.  I'm still going to drag my husband and dog to the races even when it's pouring to witness a few seconds of that glorious intensity.  But, I have a slightly different take on it now.  I'm now a supporter of particular athletes and teams.  I support the ones that uphold honesty and purity in the sport.  I support the guys that admit things were done, whether they were personally involved or not.  I support all the cyclists out there, men and women, who get on their bikes and race their hearts out on nothing but "pan y agua."  I'm behind the ones that pledge to it.  That's where the sport exists in all truthfulness and that's where it can grow from.


What about the others, those teams that continue to use dishonest means or the athletes who continue to ride unreformed or deny their involvement?  Well, let's just say I'm not going to waste my breath supporting or otherwise.  Whether they cheated or not has no direct effect on my life.  I don't lose any sleep over it.  I'm not going to argue with people or take any more time than I already have researching or dwelling on the matter.  I know the story now and it has made me a more knowledgable fan, a better fan.  Those who have the real problem are the athletes themselves.  

I hope, for their sakes and the sake of the sport, that it doesn't take too much longer to sort all this out.  As is the case in other aspects of life, the truth hurts, but recognizing and accepting it is necessary for progress.

And that's my opinion.