Conclusions Reached

I read the book.  Yes, that book.

Then I read another book and another.  I'm currently reading this one.  Why?  Because I am and always will be a fan of road cycling.  I'm a fan of the performance, the art, and the intensity of the sport.  There's nothing quite like it.  Would I have loved to have been present during a race in which Merckx rode?  Yes, but I'm just as happy to be there watching Team Sky or anyone else.  I'd love to get to a women's race sometime because I'm 100% certain those races are where it's really at.

I'm "the cycling fan" in our circle of friends.  I'm the one that drags her poor husband and (leashed!) dog to all those bike races.  I'm the one that watches the Tour de France everyday, even during the boring flat stages, the one who is still mildly depressed about missing this year's Vuelta.  I'm the one that has caps, cowbells, jerseys, and water bottles hanging on her wall.  If anyone we know has an interest in what a peloton is and how the yellow (or the pink or the gold) jersey is awarded they know who to ask.  They know who to ask about Lance Armstrong and doping.  Unfortunately, a lot of people want to know about those things right now.

So, I read the books because I think it's important to know what you're talking about if you're going to have an opinion.  I needed to know the story in order to get one.

Was I shocked about the revelations in Hamilton's book?  Nope.  Talk and stories have been around for years about what went on at Postal under Armstrong's leadership.  There wasn't anything too new there- concealer on scars, cover ups, payoffs to the UCI, intimidation of witnesses, rage induced tirades, drugs by motorbike, etc.  No, I wasn't surprised.  Nowadays it takes a lot to surprise me when it comes to human behavior.  However, I did find his inclusion of the details to be fascinating- how they covered up the drugs in their systems, how the testing procedures worked and didn't work, and what happens when things go wrong.  After reading all this stuff, I now feel satisfied.  I know what doping means and I know what it looks like.  I know that the drug tests are reliable and a positive is what it is.  That feeling of ambiguity I've always had about this topic is gone.

So, now that I have all this knowledge under my belt, I have my opinions.  Is he telling the truth?  Yes.  There's too many dates, details, evidence, and consistencies to come up with a different conclusion.  Did the top guys at Postal cheat? You bet.  Was the UCI corrupt? Yes.  Is the UCI corrupt now?  Yes.  Are these guys who have come forward with these stories ruining the sport?  Absolutely not.  It's going to take a while and it is painful to hear that favorite athletes and role models cheated, but in the end there is an excellent chance that all of this will lead to the beginning of a new era in cycling, when it becomes the cleanest sport in the world.

Are Hamilton, Millar, and all the others that have been caught and admitted to doping terrible human beings who can't be trusted?  No.  They're cheats.  But, let's get a little perspective on that, shall we?  The fact of the matter is, like that quote in Breaking Away, "Everybody cheats."  Sure, we're not all competing in professional sports or taking illegal drugs, but unless only saints read this blog I'm pretty certain we are all guilty of cutting corners and cheating at some point in order to get ahead of the game.  They may have been legal cheats or illegal, but the fact of the matter is none of us is blameless in life.  In actuality, the people that admit they've screwed up, lied, or cheated are the ones we should admire.  It takes a lot of guts to stand up in front of the world and admit you traded on your integrity to win a special colored shirt or a trophy.  It takes a lot of guts to admit you're scum.  Would you?  Would I?

Do I think dopers are terrible human beings?  No.  I think they're fallible human beings who couldn't resist temptation.  Whether they get caught or not, they sell out for a win and they contribute to the problem.  They take away the chances of honest athletes.  They put themselves and others at risk.  They do all this to win a bike race.  They have a problem and they need help.  But, pro cyclists aren't your average human beings.  They live and want to live an extreme life.  No one can say the guys that compete at their level aren't tough athletes.  With that lifestyle comes unique challenges, ones most of us never deal with.  We have to respect the fact that they're still people that have the capacity to make huge mistakes just like the rest of us.  If I was told that I'd have to do something unethical (that everyone else does) to keep doing the only thing I thought I was good at in order to stay employed, pay the bills, and put food on the table I'd like to think I'd have the courage to walk away.  However, I'm not naive enough to believe that I wouldn't give it some thought.

What do I think about Lance Armstrong?  Well, to be completely honest with you, I feel terrible for the guy.  He's a deeply troubled soul who is full of anger.  In order to cope with his demons, he turned to sports.  But, it wasn't enough.  So, he did everything he could to win and transcend cycling to become one of the most famous athletes of all time.  He summed up his feelings with a couples quotes,

"Two things scare me. The first is getting hurt. But that's not nearly as scary as the second, which is losing."  

"When I was sick, I didn't want to die.  When I race, I don't want to lose.  Dying and losing, it's the same thing."

So, in order to avoid his greatest fear, he became desperate.  He cheated, like a lot of guys in that era, and then he took it further.  He perfected it and he made it the strategy.  He broke laws, he organized drug trafficking, and he passed money under tables.  There's no getting around it now.

I think he also fears being disliked.  How dare them!  If someone criticizes him, they don't get one ounce of leniency.  They are called some pretty colorful things and you can bet he won't forget for a second that they are out there somewhere disliking him.  Carrying that around everyday can't be easy.  So, do I think he's a horrible person?  No, I think he's someone to pity and that's about it.  He's a human being desperately seeking peace at all costs.  But, I wouldn't go so far as to say he's a nice guy either.  He let his issues take over his life and a lot of people are paying for it.  Yes, I do think that he needs to answer for the laws that he broke during those years.  Since it involved federal funds, witness intimidation, and fraud I think it's more serious than your typical sports doping case.  The whole ball of wax needs to be addressed from the corporations involved to the sport's governing body.  It could get even uglier than it already has.  But, I think it is worth it for the sake of cycling.

All this aside, I will still flick on my television next spring when the season starts again.  I'm still going to drag my husband and dog to the races even when it's pouring to witness a few seconds of that glorious intensity.  But, I have a slightly different take on it now.  I'm now a supporter of particular athletes and teams.  I support the ones that uphold honesty and purity in the sport.  I support the guys that admit things were done, whether they were personally involved or not.  I support all the cyclists out there, men and women, who get on their bikes and race their hearts out on nothing but "pan y agua."  I'm behind the ones that pledge to it.  That's where the sport exists in all truthfulness and that's where it can grow from.


What about the others, those teams that continue to use dishonest means or the athletes who continue to ride unreformed or deny their involvement?  Well, let's just say I'm not going to waste my breath supporting or otherwise.  Whether they cheated or not has no direct effect on my life.  I don't lose any sleep over it.  I'm not going to argue with people or take any more time than I already have researching or dwelling on the matter.  I know the story now and it has made me a more knowledgable fan, a better fan.  Those who have the real problem are the athletes themselves.  

I hope, for their sakes and the sake of the sport, that it doesn't take too much longer to sort all this out.  As is the case in other aspects of life, the truth hurts, but recognizing and accepting it is necessary for progress.

And that's my opinion.